Because I am Fat -- They Think I am Dumb.

My neice is is a first year theater major dating a lovely young black artist. She's very fair skinned and he's very dark skinned. When they are out together they stand out -- and people notice.

We were together this weekend due to a funeral. And as we sat and talked and I learned more and more about her we talked about her young man, his skin color, and if she experienced racism. She admitted she did but she said something so profound. She shared with me that when she was with him she didn't see color, she saw him. And that made me sigh and smile.

It also made my eyes wet with joy.

As I drove home from this funeral I thought about myself and my own encounters. I am am overweight woman who needs to lose 100+ pounds. My doctor would like me to be about 119-125 pounds. I weigh well over 200 pounds. And while I clean up well, and can still wear designer clothes like the rest of them (albiet large sized), I find I am treated much differntly than those of my sister who are height and weight appropriate. And this is not only hurtful to me, it's maddening, and it pisses me off.

I recognize we live in a society that you are treated in regards to how you look, dress, appear, and what size you are. It shouldn't be that way but really it is.

During the drive home I began to really remember the various encounters I have had over the years, especially this year and it upset me to think about the lack of respect I have received due to my weight.

I know I have lost jobs, meetings, and deals because of my girth.

As it is I am not a lover of people. I used to love everyone but over the years I have been come jaded and cynical. And I wonder when the day comes that I am height and weight appropriate if I am going to turn into one of the skinny heartless bitches that looks her nose down at everyone.