Instruction :This week we asked you to take us somewhere . Where was up to you – fiction or creative non-fiction – but we asked you to use your words to paint the setting as vividly as possible. In 200 words.
This is the lake I was raised on, and a memory of late summer night swimming with my boyfriend.
Creeping quietly as church mice to the dock we can hear the symphony of bullfrogs as they loudly trumpet through the warm summer nights at the lake. Every step on the old dock is a creak or a groan. Looking from side to side we pray we aren’t discovered as we wordlessly step out of our clothes and slip into the smooth delicious water of the lake.
The urge to laugh is immense but we don’t. We swim and swim until we think we are far enough away from shore and the whispering and soft laughter of two lovers begin. It’s so very liberating and free to be skinny dipping. The water slides over the smooth parts of our body. You don't see the others body, you feel it.
Looking up into the sky it’s as if we are under a dome of stars. I think I might even be able to reach out and touch one. The moon beams dance and glisten upon our skin as we break through the water and come up for air.
As I tread water and trade secrets with my lover he swims to me and I connect with his skin. The contrast between his body and the water in so different and distinct that I want to remember this sensation forever.
Will I remember this evening forever? I certainly hope so.
8 comments:
ooohhh..hot and steamy but magical at the same time. I love the thought of being under a dome of stars!
visiting from write on edge
Lovely, romantic, steamy- love it!
I felt so sneaky at the beginning...as if it were actually me traipsing off with my boyfriend. :) I really liked this...it was a unique scene and you totally took me there. If you have ever skinny dipped it's easy to relate to your words. If you haven't now you can feel as if you have. I'm not saying which side of that equation I fall into. lol
Glad I stopped in from Write on Edge.
It seems you do still remember it! I love the description of sneaking away, and how all sounds seem louder at night. And, of course, the magical/sexy swim. ;)
Delightful and magical atmosphere ... though I have to confess , I've never gone skinny-dipping before ... will have to give it a shot !
Why couldn't I have read this at the beginning of summer? :)
I enjoyed the sense of secrecy, a private moment shared between the two of you.
This is wonderful. The personal narrative connects me to the reading from the start.
Your imagery is beautiful; as Carrie mentioned, the "dome of stars" is a lovely one. In some places it could actually be enhanced by a little trimming. Two places that struck me: "Creeping quietly as church mice to the dock we can hear the symphony of bullfrogs as they loudly trumpet through the warm summer nights at the lake. " By invoking a symphony and trumpets, you're implying a big sound, so "loudly" becomes unnecessary. In addition, you've given us a dock in the physical description. We know there's water, so "at the lake" is more telling than showing.
The other: "The moon beams dance and glisten upon our skin as we break through the water and come up for air." Moon beams glistening is a fairly common image. Moon beams dancing is less so, and gives a lovely sense of motion to the water and the light around the lovers. Cutting "and glisten" tightens the writing and lets the reader focus on the more interesting image.
This was an excellent example of the prompt, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
Lovely! So intimate and evocative.
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