"Mom what does Horny Mean?"

I have a nine year old. A really really really bright nine year old. So bright that sometimes I forget I have a little boy and think he's just this little mini adult. And he's not so little - he's five feet three.

But really at the end of the day he is nine and with that all the wonderfully funny, nerdy, gut busting laugh a minute things that come with being nine.

He and his dad watch Two and a Half Men. Now I realize perhaps he shouldn't be watching that show as it's considered "racy" and sometimes down right vulgar. However, we as a family love it and watch it every Monday night.

Last night it was on one of the other channels as a re-run and so we caught an episode and laughed ourselves silly of course over the antics of Charlie, Alan and Jake. It was time for my son to go to bed so I sent him off to brush his teeth, wash his face, pee, change into his pajamas and head to bed.

Every night we have a ritual where we decompress and talk about the day together. Him in bed, all snug as a bug in a rug and me stretched out next to him breathing in his little boy-ness and wishing like hells the years wouldn't speed by like I am standing still.

Here we are in the dark talking about everything and nothing,and in between who ICarly is and why he doesn't like to go to the bathroom at school he blurts out:

"Mom what does horny mean?"

I literally paused and said "Uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh" My son chimed in with "Well? what's it mean?"

I felt my face turn red in the dark. How stupid is that to be embarrassed about a word like horny for God's sakes. But I was -- really embarassed. It was so stupid.

So I took a deep breath and said "Well that means when a boy wants to kiss girls all the time really badly and can hardly stand it." My son did the appropriate "EEWWWWWWWW!" and I laughed.

"So when Charlie Harper on Two and a Half Men says he's horny all the time does that mean he wants to kiss girls all the time?" I laughed and said "Yeah something like that." My son then says "He probably wants to have sex all the time."

Again, another moment of silence and then a fight began in my head. "So ask your son what he thinks sex means." Are you insane? I am so not touching that with a ten foot poll, he doesn't need to know what sex is and I am not telling him tonight."

I decide to take the high road and say "Do you know what sex is?"

"Sure, my son says, it's like when Dogs hump but humans hump and while I am not 100% about what goes where I know you get naked"

"Where did you hear that?" I asked rather nervously -- "Oh at school my friends talked about seeing their parents on accident and the dad yelling at the kid to get the blank out of his room and never come in without knocking and the dad said to the mom it would be nice if just one time they could have sex without being interrupted."

"Ahhhhh" I said -- "Well, you are on the right track, and you don't need to know what parts go where until you are older."

"How old?"

"Oh at least 40" I said with great confidence hoping like hell this would all go by the wayside.

"40? Were you 40? How old were you?"

There was no way  I was telling him I was just 17. No way.

So I lied and said "I don't remember, you know I am almost 100 so it's been many many years."

And then we ended our night talking about Harry Potter, Disneyland, making meatballs and how much he loves eat ice cream.


So really at the end of the day he is still nine. And I like that.