My blog entry I think might sting a few. Hit home to a few. Make a few mad. Make a few nod their heads in agreement, even if only for a few moments as they read my words.
As a kid I really enjoyed making friends. That wasn't something that was hard. Being naturally an extrovert and gregarious no one would ever suspect for a second that inside I possibly be shy. However, I was. Incredibly so. So shy to the point that I would blurt out weird things, and laugh a lot to mask the "fraidy cat" in me.
When I reached adulthood I became more comfortable with my shyness and became more comfortable not only in my own skin but around other people as well. I realized during this time that I really liked people in general -- and enjoyed socializing. Even as I dated and eventually married I found myself drawn to the quiet guys in the dating scene. The tall, dark, brooding sort. I am not sure if I thought I would draw them out of their introverted shell, or that I thought perhaps there was this really crazy, maniac of a person inside like me dying to get out.
My experience in regards to socializing would go like this -- meet new people, hit it off, make plans to spend time together, spend time together, find more things in common, both parties would verbalize how fun it was to spend time together, let's do it again soon. And then nothing.
*crickets*
As I said nothing. Time would go by, then the three month mark would go by, then the six month mark would go by. I'd give a call. (It was and always is me who reaches out to others not the other way around.) Almost always I was met with "Wow, hey how ARE YOU?" Jesus has it been SIX MONTHS? We would all have a great time. I would get compliments on the food, the atmosphere. I am always told I am the hostess with the mostess blah blah... And a typical dialogue would go something like this:
Them: "I am so glad we reconnected it's been way to long."
Me: "Us to. We are so glad to see you again, it's been forever."
Them: "Let's not make it six months ago? Promise?"
Me: "Promise, just give us a call we love to get together anytime."
Them: "Deal!"
And so everyone goes their separate ways and once again times go by. No email. No phone call. Not even a post on face book to say "Hi, we are thinking about you." Zero.
So I am left with is it just out of sight out of mind? Is it about being self absorbed. Am I too sensitive? (which could be rightly so), or is all of that above just bullshit, and people of today don't know how to say "We are just not that into you."
My closing remarks -- if you are one of these people that doesn't hold up your end up a friendship, get off your ass and pick up the phone, fire up an email, or actually go to Hallmark and buy a card. Take ten minutes out of your day and let those love and know that you are thinking about them and they mean something to you.
I guarantee it will make their day.
2 days ago
4 comments:
I can relate to the whole shyness thing. People never believe it about me but it's true. I have a lot of social buddies but only a few real friends, and I am okay with that. With so much interaction with my job every day, I really look forward to my alone time. I just don't have the time to be very social right now at this time on my life. So I do what I can. I drop in for coffee dates and happy hour when I can. Online, I drop comments and bob around on Facebook. And I am looking for a social thing to do too. I desperately want to join a real book club, but none of the clubs that meet when I can go have any openings. The good ones meet during the day. So.....I plug along content with the friends I do have. I had deep and wonderful friendships when I lived in Minnesota, but I have not found that deep experience here in San Diego. People are different here. Less connected in many respects.
I'm the dork that always thinks that the other person surely wouldn't wanna hear from ME. On the other hand, I know how hectic life can be for so many people and try not to take it personally when an email goes unanswered or a voice mail goes unanswered. I am really bad about that myself. My SIL and I used to write 10 and 15 page letters to each other every week! Now we barely talk or email. We joke that the more convenient technology makes things for us, the worse we are at keeping in touch. But you bring up such a good point. There are many friends that I really need to stay in touch with more because I want to! I need to lose the idea that they are so busy they won't even miss me if I don't reach out to them. I don't want the people I really care about to feel as though I don't! And.....you are certainly one of them ♥
I used to be the shy one and the one who always felt slighted if no one ever called back etc.
Now if it means enough to me, I will make the call or re-call. I will send the email. If I don't really care that much, I just let things drop.
So many things happen in other peoples lives that we cannot have any idea what is keeping them from sending a note or even thinking about us.. if you want to see someone, call. Otherwise, don't worry about it.
Me too! I am always the one who makes the call or sends the card and I don't get much back. I agree that technology makes it easier to put real contact off. I have a couple of friends who live near me and we try to keep in touch and actually see each other every few weeks for lunch.
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